I really hope most of my friends, family and people who know me will read this. Even if you think you know me well, you probably will think different after you read this. This is a subject which is EXTREMELY personal to me! As the reader, I hope you can understand what I’m talking about. Living in this kind of society, how can anyone understand what I’m talking about?
The older you get, the more your perception in life changes. As a kid, I never thought about the bad stuff. Yeah I knew about it, but I really didn’t think much of it. As you grow from a child, you start to think about certain issues in life. For me, the thing I dreaded most was categorization in high school. I resisted being in a category because I just want to be me and not a thing. You’re either the “Kim Kardashian” attention whore, the popular dumb-ass, the druggie, the weird creepy kid, the smart kid, the athletic asshole or just a complete nobody. I felt a lot of people had mixed feelings about me. By that, I mean people thought I’m a really cool kid, sometimes people thought I was a weirdo, and sometimes people think I’m really shy or just a normal person. After years of being categorized, I used that as an advantage which liberated me and it gave myself a freedom or a release. If I was considered strange or weird then it didn’t matter how I dressed, or if I was a guy that took dance lessons, or if I said something “not normal.”
Normal…normal…normal… UGH! The word “Normal” kills me. In my mind, that indicates something that is quit subversively terrifying in someway. But what does it mean to be normal? How is the word used in our society? If somebody tells you you’re not normal, does that mean you’re a follower to a society that is brainwashed by the stupidity of ignorant teenagers? Heading in the direction of being doomed of not finding yourself? It all comes down to being a rebel. Since I was a little kid, I was always against certain things. For instance, if somebody told me to do something, my immediate reaction would be to do the opposite of that. And from an early age, that has always stuck with me. I remember in kindergarten, clearly on the first day, all the girls were together playing with dolls, makeup etc. And the guys were playing with a mini football and running around being all tough. What did I do? I was usually by myself drawing pictures, coloring, playing computers games and puzzles. I really don’t know why I did this. Maybe I just liked art and creativity?
Growing up and watching movies like Godzilla and King Kong, I felt the monsters had more emotion than the human characters. Lets be honest, when you watch a monster movie, you wanna see the monster, not the humans. As a kid, I was also obsessed with The Legend of Zelda video games. I felt the character Link represented me in many ways. Link is left handed like I am, he wore the color green which is my favorite color, he fights with swords and bow and arrows which is skill, and he keeps to himself a lot which I am like too. Relating myself to a video game character, weird huh? I guess I’m not “normal.”I also had an odd fascination with the dummy Slappy from the Goosebump’s books. Don’t ask me why, I still don’t understand to this day. I was and still am a huge fan of Batman. Im not at all a comic book fan, but I really am fascinated with that futuristic gothic-like world and the characters in the Batman Universe. The character of Bruce Wayne is described as a rich playboy. While society sees him as a spoiled millionaire, inside himself, he is something much greater. That hidden quality and hiding personality of Batman truly reflects me and my personality.
I can’t say my high school years were the”the golden years.” There was nothing I enjoyed at all about high school. It was a dungeon and a prison in my mind. Every time I walked through those doors, the life got sucked out of me. I just wanted out of it. I couldn’t stand being around fake people in a fake society. In high school, I felt I couldn’t communicate with the environment around me. It very was nonverbal to me. I remember talking to somebody and they couldn’t understand me. They thought I was mumbling or something. I felt scared to speak out. But again, living in this troubled society of teenagers, they judge everything about you. It was hell on earth. There are lots of “normal” popular kids who are intelligent and who do homework everyday and get along well with teachers. Yet, they and the less intelligent ones fool around a lot and act obnoxious, and sometimes it seems like all they can do is throw a football, shoot a basket in the court, hit a hockey puck, get wasted at parties and insult other kids because thats the only thing they can do. I can name several kids in my high school and other high schools that fit this description. They are the worst! They are so insecure and have issues, but around girls, they are jealous or trying to prove something to other people to improve their “reputation” and pure and simple they get off on power and intimidating people.
What I find disturbing are the teachers that side with the “normal” popular kids. The teachers who were probably self absorbed and self centered bullies when they went to high school. Knowing that their failures at life, they go back to high school to become a gym teacher and live a non-existing high school fantasy again. When it comes to gym class, they only pick the jocks who think they run the school. It makes you feel worthless and you feel like an outsider when you get picked last. It’s like freakin corruption! And the cycle continues with the “normal” popular kids. I had a math teacher during my junior year who was the basketball coach. And of course, he and a number of other teachers including the vice principale worships the athletic assholes and thought I was just a nobody. Math is my worst subject and I manage to pass that hellish class. I also remember a high school football coach (no surprise there) came to speak to the whole school. Seriously, the entire time, he acted like football was the way to go in life, Football is everything. Football is life. It was all bullshit. I felt so angry that I just wanted to leave and rebel.
I know this is a lot to swallow, but this is just a warm up for me. I have so much to talk about when it comes to topics like this. Some of you probably disagree with some of my opinions but thats ok, it’s just an opinion. I said all this because it’s how I felt through my despair years in high school. If you wanna blame someone, blame society.
-Jordan A. Warner
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